This is a letter I wish to send you, but fortunate for you, you will never get it.
It pains, and it is a horrible feeling.
I try my best to be happy for you, forgive you and move on.
I fail miserably, just the way I did in trying to earn your love, affection and care.
I have tried a million times to convince myself. I said to myself, I will get over this phase.
It is not here to say. And every time, I see the photo, I die some more.
You know why it hurts so much.
It was my very dream all along.
Every single moment that you are living with her, every one of them was mine.
You might ask, who gave me the permission to assume, that it is mine in the first place.
I honestly don't know. I believed I am the only one who can love you with all that I have.
The eternal love you so fondly speak of, was my dream. In that dream, it was you and me.
How could you behave like you knew this was not coming?
How could you lie to me? I know there are probably far worse things in the world.
There are far worse betrayals, far worse losses. But this was real for me.
I feel like someone stabbed me twice, right in the heart.
It is so hard for me to take it. The society with its eternal prejudices is unaccommodating of my dreams. I keep telling myself, I will get past this. It pains furthermore, when I realise that you will not understand in a million years, why this hurt is unbearable for me. No one will for that matter.
It is my sorrow. I will have to live with it. I pretend that this is going to take very little time get past.
But every time I think of you with her, I die one more time. How do I get past this? I try moving forward, start my search again, only to be hit twice hard. I don't feel anything anymore. I think I am tired now. I don't have the strength to stand tall and say bring it on. It is a true identity crisis of sorts. Maybe time is the answer. But I know, I have changed as a person. I don't recognize me anymore.
I will breathe, if that is what is called living, then I will most likely live.
It pains, and it is a horrible feeling.
I try my best to be happy for you, forgive you and move on.
I fail miserably, just the way I did in trying to earn your love, affection and care.
I have tried a million times to convince myself. I said to myself, I will get over this phase.
It is not here to say. And every time, I see the photo, I die some more.
You know why it hurts so much.
It was my very dream all along.
Every single moment that you are living with her, every one of them was mine.
You might ask, who gave me the permission to assume, that it is mine in the first place.
I honestly don't know. I believed I am the only one who can love you with all that I have.
The eternal love you so fondly speak of, was my dream. In that dream, it was you and me.
How could you behave like you knew this was not coming?
How could you lie to me? I know there are probably far worse things in the world.
There are far worse betrayals, far worse losses. But this was real for me.
I feel like someone stabbed me twice, right in the heart.
It is so hard for me to take it. The society with its eternal prejudices is unaccommodating of my dreams. I keep telling myself, I will get past this. It pains furthermore, when I realise that you will not understand in a million years, why this hurt is unbearable for me. No one will for that matter.
It is my sorrow. I will have to live with it. I pretend that this is going to take very little time get past.
But every time I think of you with her, I die one more time. How do I get past this? I try moving forward, start my search again, only to be hit twice hard. I don't feel anything anymore. I think I am tired now. I don't have the strength to stand tall and say bring it on. It is a true identity crisis of sorts. Maybe time is the answer. But I know, I have changed as a person. I don't recognize me anymore.
I will breathe, if that is what is called living, then I will most likely live.
No comments:
Post a Comment