This is a favourite title that has stuck in my memory for a very long time, may be since ideas formulated in my pea brain, when I let them flow on a paper. It is funny how when I am too sad, too depressed my thoughts shape up as tears and stroll down my cheeks, ohhhh it is indeed dramatic.Now who doesnt like drama, that too a good one, a real one! It is a crime!Yes it is a crime, if I say that I dont feel blessed.I am doing injustice to all other souls who reside in this beautiful world, if I said God has been unfair to me.It is an outrageously cold lie.God has been too generous.He taught me to enjoy the lessons, life has offered.He made me believe in myself.He has made me feel strong every day, he has renewed my beliefs from time to time.He has showed me the light at the end of the tunnel.He has me march upto the end of it, still thinking I wont be hit by the rail coming from the opposite direction.Well this part is really ture, the place I currently reside is least pedestrain friendly.And there is a narrow bridge, where there is exactly space for two cars to pass thorugh, and absolutely a half inch sidewalk.I have walked no ran through the tunnel to reach safe sanctury.Well those are the troubles of the car free life.But to look at the brighter side, it is actually living the phrase, of walking through a tunnel, thinking there will be light at the other end.Wow that kind of lightened my mood.I feel horrible.I feel terrible at times.I am one of those victims of modernization, who has so much trouble understanding what makes me the real me.Is it my career or is it my family?Tradition and modernism are two parallel roads.You cannot meet mid way with one leg on both sides of the margin.there is big fat barrier in the middle unless you have supernatural powers of bifarcating and reassembling Yourself everytime.
I love my independence way too much.I wrapped it around myself, to get away from hurt.Now it has become a shield which threatens to place me in a cell where I am cozy and warm but shuts the doors so tight that let alone a human being; the lovely breeze cant get in.This seems ridiculous as a thought, because I will never know if it was a lovely breeze that awaited me or was it a hard thunderstorm .But this makes me feel secure.I am comfortably tucked in.I dont have regrets.Each of them taught me, left me moulded into the person I am right now.I am real.I am alive.But there a melancony which never goes aways.Intense it gets and makes me think that Iam a masochist.I love the pain.Would it let me be myself?
I let the tears roll down, sometimes noticed, at times un-noticed.I laugh aloud to make it seem (to myself and around) there is nothing that is amiss.I am good at it.I am very good at hiding the real me from others.Remember "I am untouchable".
Nothing at all!
How I wish, the breeze which caressed my tear-streaked cheeks reached the special, the unknown, the unfound someone.
He who is meant to be.Whose kind words reassures me that I am not alone.
If only!If only, the breeze could whisper.
priya
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